This tag is associated with 79 posts

Measuring relationships with technologic calendars.

Most people see time like a calendar. They see we only have 2 months left until 2015 comes in. At other times we calculate time like, back in the year 2000 we met and got together, this year is our 15th year anniversary.

But today, people, mostly younger people keep track of passing time differently.

Are you one of those types who measure your relationships in prototypes of cell phones, instead of anniversary’s? You just see anniversary’s like generations of phone technology. Back in the day when there were flip phones, before selfies were so popular, I met my significant other….or in some terms of some such.

Some couples get new phones with every technologic new release, so, time is marked in these advances not in the advancement of seasonal times. It is if the seasons of spring, summer, fall, and winter, only become a blur in passing. Only noticed while reviewing older digital photos.

Perhaps there is that, another advantage for loving your iPhone. You still get to count in those old fashion terms of numbers with regards to your anniversary’s. I just don’t know if that’s a proper use of smart phone technology though?? After everything is said or done, do you think you have what it takes to say that your relationship has lasted past iPhone 40….41…..50….51?? Will iPhone last, or out last your relationship?

Enjoy your life, because life is good.

Coffee! What’s in your cup?

Coffee has become my life’s escort. It isn’t a question for me to ask why or how come? Just to sit back and enjoy the ride. After all, didn’t we find ourselves alive and full of life without having asked to be?

Do we need to question the very essence of what makes us all different yet all similar?

Perhaps some of you are still looking for yourselves—yet still alive just the same. And imagine, without having been asked. Why do we need to explain ourselves and our innermost passions or feelings to anyone? Should we? I mean, maybe to our closest of friends perhaps? So what if coffee holds that special place in our hearts, in my heart, secretly or outwardly it shouldn’t matter? It shouldn’t change the way you’re looking at me, now that you know about my life’s cherished escort.

To acknowledge passion or passionate feelings towards something or someone is the essence of being alive. It’s not just my pounding heart that makes me aware that I’m alive beyond my own living of life. We are all individuals, with individual likes and dislikes—hidden or boldly held out in the open for friend or foe to see. So I will admit it. For me it is coffee. And coffee is so much more than caffeine. It is the ability to relax and reflect in a still quiet moment. In that morning ritual, at that afternoon break, or that night cap just before bed with a decaf blend. Enjoying my safe harbor, the warmth of my love, within the sights and sounds of our rat race lifestyles held at bay. Even if its only for a fractional part of my day, it allows me to dream a tad as I watch the clouds of light colored creamer swirling then mixing into the blackened liquid–now turned light brown.

Perhaps it’s all about those slower moments, those portions of the day where we steal time to relaxed with each other for a bit; giving into to those probing thoughts of new goals, quests, or desires, or a moment to ponder and study a new philosophy, or just an escape for awhile. That moment free from all time commitments? Time affords us an open opportunity to wonder and quietly question our existence or its meaning. Time, has also never been asked to be. So it is what we all have in common.

So it really doesn’t matter what is behind your passions or feelings, or how we use the time that we all have. There is no need to justify or explain yourself to anyone unless you choose to? It is our time, our life, our choice so take some ownership to when or if we should explain our motives our Feelings—just things in the end where at times we have a love hate relationship. No huge concern need be made, no renewed why, or how come needs to be offered.

Feelings are meant to be felt. Those feelings or reactions needn’t be shaped by outside expectations to justify emotions or having felt them as you do. After all feelings can be simple or completely complex, hidden within or just as explosive as firework displays? I think of them as being simple like coffee. Rich and creamy, full flavored, cold, or hot, like the tickling warmth of a lovers touch. Imagine what feelings stir your memories or just brings back a smile to your face while remembering the last time you enjoy them. Maybe it’s just as simple as the last opportunity you have had to be or be left alone with a cup in your hand. Perhaps emotions can add to, or even spark something within, an addition to life, to those enjoyable indulgence we search to treated to.

Like going out to Starbucks and enjoying the atmosphere, the opportunity to watch and to observe people? Who really knows what secretly makes us tick, or quickens the pulse? Coffee maybe that dream that favorite place where secret indulgences meet life to embody what I crave. An opportunity that brings to life my love. Living while finding the interesting and exotic. That pure delight, that smoldering spark, a moment in which we can share simple and beautiful things in the company of others? Coffees and its aroma expresses a different time and place, the exoticness of her elements within soil, sun, rain, and air, all of which is captured within a single and solitary bean turned into my liquid incense the aroma that soothes. The warm cup in the hand and that sent taken as I breathed it into my nose, imprints an imaginative spectacle of different exotic places and their hillsides where coffee has been blessed to grow. Specifically it is coffee that brings new and vivid colors to our creative imaginations, to our emotions and thoughts held privately and unshared.  Caffeine quickens and renews our abilities to polish life, to take the ragged edge off, allowing a moment to awake us to dream still more.

It’s clear, that the range of our experiences with coffee won’t fit into the narrow confines of logic and reason. We may search but never find those answers. And if we did find our answers to all our questions, would they be the same; would they be different to everyone, like feelings, emotions, passions, or our own zest for life while living it?

We may become muses of ourselves; to share or want to be shared with, to be accompanied into an exploration of those deep rooted passionate feelings for another human being, or our willingness to share all life and what it has to offer us. And why not? It would be a twofer… Enjoying the elixir of life—a lifetime worth of dreams comingled and explored, and expressed, while being embraced in its aroma and your company, all the while holding a cup of coffee. An experience shared with the apple of your eye, that one and only sitting in the chair across from you. So why not ask this one, out of all those people in this coffee shop–is this chair taken……
Why wait? A life awaits to be enjoyed, to be lived, one cup at a time.

All the best.

Quote of my day

“There is a difference between giving up and walking away for your own sanity

quote unknown.

Relationships can de difficult…or is it difficult people want relationships from “YES” people. Yes your the greatest….Yes I will do it right away….Yes you’re right….Yes! You’re right, I’ll do better or your way next time…you get the picture. It doesn’t take long before the difficult person grows tired of having no opposition–it seem as nothing is a challenge anymore. It’s all about verbally playing King of the hill and shoving everyone down to size. The best way to deal with this kind of person. Leave them alone. They either change because no one is around or they start talking to themselves using two different personalities each with their own voice.
The quote speaks volumes. Save yourself or at least your sanity.
All the best.

Gratitude challenge: day 4

Being grateful doesn’t require much of you personally, but if you’re looking in the mirror and its troubling (like for a vampire) it’s a chore indeed. For me I try to make it a labor of loving life.

I’m grateful for these things…

1) a job
2) some money
3) love
4) charity

With love, you may not have to search for all of these things too hard, but love can be a driving force behind all of these and more.

Having a job is just exchanging your time (a bit if your life) for money. So how much is your life worth? Are the things your buying for yourself worth the amount of “life” it’s costing you in exchange?

Sammy Hagar (a rock-N-roll star) had a song called “buying my way into heaven”. In the song he concluded correctly–that’s impossible! If a superficial rock star can draw those conclusions, why can’t we then? Maybe you have and I’m behind the curve?

If you have money from a job you can certainly use some of it just on yourself, but using some on others–ones you love, or people in need, certainly adds to self-growth, personal discipline, an improved attitude towards everything, making all else easier to let go of, what’s seems all too natural–Being selfish! If you have love for yourself–but choose to love others first (note that’s different to being selfish) you’ll find you will have more enjoyable working times, money, love, charity, as a result of loving yourself. Life becomes more enjoyable to live–seeing others un-expectantly brought to a comforting smile, as their worries are lifted. Or maybe un-expectantly charitable acts are returned to you by others. Some may call this karma. All of which are preferential to–only you against the world mantra / fending for yourself and only yourself. If that’s the way you feel, your job (if you have one) never is good enough–never pays enough, and in every situation the people you work with suck, it’s not the kind of work you would have chosen for yourself…but you needed to pay bills, so you took this stinking job! We’ve all been there, complaining our way to what we perceive to be heaven. You get the picture.

We need not live a life of extremes If only we take a look behind and beyond the mirrors reflection of self, how different this world would be? At least our little corner of it.

We wouldn’t buy ourselves something superficial, or treat ourselves with insubstantial or insignificant stuff, so why treat our jobs, money, charity, or our love, or how we make efforts in keeping all of that in that way? Honestly don’t we tend to do that? Treating self the best while treating other to some sliding rule of what we believe is good enough? With sliding rules we start building excuses don’t we?

We should try to love everyone as we love ourselves.

Gratitude challenge: day 2

I’m grateful for…
1) Time
2) Vacation’s

It’s funny how we all can get caught up in the moments of going on vacation. Our tempers seem to be balanced on that razors edges, everything needs to be perfect or else. Vacations rarely ever really go as planed net alone perfect?

Vacations no matter how short or long that they are, planed for or not, it seem that people never view them in the same way as a terminally ill person views the time that they have left to live life….where every moment is cherished. Instead we dread the proses in going and getting there, and rush around at breakneck speeds while there, that there’s no real differences to everyday life at home. Where was the break from monotony?

I mean think about it. We all can attract or subtract in some way’s with our chosen actions. We all effect our soundings, and more importantly ourselves. We’re a product of our own marinade sauce. Aged to perfection within our management / mismanagement within our own state of decay. We impart small pieces of ourselves as well collect pieces of others through rubbing elbows and shoulders with each other, through interaction / living life, we collect that what we then become. At times subtle actions will impact people like a hammers blow to the head. At other times we subtlety change without notice even unto ourselves. Why is it we over look life as being rare, delicate, or uncertain, while searching for the next big adrenaline rush? We often allow ourselves to hang precariously by tattered threads fooled into believing as well as feeling safe. While reserving the rights to complain about the size or shape of those threads to anyone within ear shot. Don’t we sometimes take far too much risk? Don’t we far too often choose the position for the most part that we find ourselves in. So by choice we can then choose our remedy.

We make assumptions that today will be repeated just like tomorrow, with the same or similar experiences as today. At times the conveyer belt of life moves us along at a steady pace to what we all know to well as to how this story will end–But still turn a blind eye towards it.

What would this world be like if only we valued what memories others will have, or keep of us, rather than what material things we may leave behind.

Thank God for vacation’s and an open mind to take some self-examination, revaluation, and time to repair personal tattered threads.


Everyone else if you would like to join this challenge here’s how.

The gratitude challenge is a a challenge where you simply publish one post per day entitled ‘gratitude challenge : day #…’

and you post something/s that you are grateful for based on the number day it is. For example if it is day 1 you post one thing you are grateful for, if it is day 2, you post two things you are grateful for. This is a great way to end your day because you are ending it on a positive note and it is also a great way to spread a bit of positivity, cheer, gratitude, and even happiness.

So take part in the gratitude challenge from today and you can post the link to this blog in your post and we will reblog your post!! Love y’all 😀 😀


The nemesis

Dan’s head was throbbing as he rubbed his eyes desperately trying to remove the black spots he was seeing. A damp, sweaty hot moist air-filled with dust and steamy radiator coolant enveloped the convertible passenger compartment. Just moments ago it was an idyllic afternoon, then, the world became motionless followed by a splitting headache, and the amped up sounds of colorful language. Dan surveyed the condition of his surroundings, the car’s interior, and where the driver Bob was.

But that was now! And how it all came about over the course of an hour or two was just like this…

The phone rang! It was Bob who was all too excited to have heard the voice of his friend Dan on the other end. “Hay get your stuff ready for a ride of your life in the beast!” Bob didn’t even wait for an answer before adding, “I’ll be over in just a minute.” And just like that, before it really got started the call ended.

Dan rubbed his glazed over eyes. A night of cramming for exams, and now the lack of caffeine coursing through his half-asleep body left him barely able to comprehend this latest phone conversation, net alone realize it was 4:30 in the afternoon. All the strength he had went into following his all too familiar morning routine of making strong coffee. No sooner did the sugar and creamer break the surface tension of coffee in his mug when the doorbell rang, followed by the rapid drum-roll knuckle knocking, it was Bob’s patented style.

Dan walked to the door, mug in hand, fresh coffee stain on the front of his tee-shirt and opened it. Bob rushed through the doorway as if he was a breath of fresh air, just like an invisible ghost was giving chase. Bob’s mouth was moving, arms were waving, his head was bobbing, but Dan was still waiting for his morning jolt to fully kick in to understand it all. Dan could now see why his parents said, Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. With only half a cup of coffee injected and some 3 hours sleep, it wasn’t time for a high-octane encounter with Bob.

“Are you alive in there?” The basketball player’s hands grabbed Dan shoulders with a semi-firm grasp, garnering his total attention. “We are about to have a night of our lives. We have the “Beast”, and it’s ready to roll. We have some nice girls waiting for the BBQ of their lives. All is good in our world. So! May I ask? What is it with you and acting like your one of the walking dead?” Bob asked, with his eyes transfixed just inches from Dan’s face.

There is tremendous value in small congregations coming together, even if it is just one friend meeting up with another. Of course friends are supposed to influence, support, to engage and encourage, as well as push you along despite of any particular personal emotions. But the spark that lights the fire and gets the ball rolling farthest for guys is the mere mention of girls.

It wasn’t long before the wind was whipping through hair. These were the halcyon days of fuel prices, so the throaty throb of the big V-8 gulping gallons of gas didn’t dampen any of their enthusiasm. This was a caffeine high punctuated by a redline RPM thrill ride, just two college friends leaving the worry of term papers, finals, and professors saying, “You could’ve done better”, far behind. On Dan’s lap were the condiments along with other ingredients to the BBQ Bonfire night of their lives. Food, music, girls, fire, and a spectacular view of the city on a starry night, what else is needed to forget all about your troubles?

The eight-track tape spun out catchy tunes, Dan and Bob did their best to sing along while adding in some drum solo’s by rapping on the dashboard and steering wheel. The convertible wound its way up the hills towards the overlook. The overlook was a flat place on the edge of the rim of the canyon, overlooking the city far below. This was where college kids would gather to make out. But occasionally celebratory bonfires would light a commemorative spectacle of some sporting victory, along with a keg or two. Neither of which was the case tonight. Tonight was a time to remember for a life-time, because you’re only young once.

Bob was enjoying the raw power of his convertible taking corners sharp and sling shooting out of them using the raw power of 350 some odd horses instantly unleashed while depressing the accelerator to the floor. The car responded to the silent commands of Bob’s thoughts and his lead foot. Taking a corner a bit too cavalierly Bob and Dan were suddenly confronted with a split-second decision. There in the road, was a large, lifeless skunk. It had met its fate in their lane just off-center of the dividing lines, and Bob loath to run it over again. The only thing faster than his reaction was the thought of the odoriferous imprint on his showroom convertible. The beast as it was called couldn’t show up to the bonfire smelling like ass. What kind of impression would that leave?

Dan’s mouth just began to move and at the same time his hand snapped forward, pointing his finger in the direction of the motionless heap in the road. His cohort jerked the steering wheel in an effort to veer just past it. As fate would have it the car plowed straight into the ditch.

Dan’s head was throbbing as he rubbed his eyes desperately trying to remove the black spots he was seeing. A damp, sweaty hot moist air-filled with dust and steamy radiator coolant enveloped the convertible passenger compartment. Just moments ago it was an idyllic afternoon, then, the world became motionless followed by a splitting headache, and the amped up sounds of colorful language. Dan surveyed the condition of his surroundings, the car’s interior, and where the driver Bob was. The condiments along with other ingredients had become pools of kaleidoscopic pickle-laced colors complemented with the unmistakable aroma of their nearby nemesis.

Bob was kicking dirt onto the lifeless skunk, braiding it with obscenities, oblivious to the smell of skunk and rotting meat; occasionally glancing in the direction of his poor car cradled by the roadside ditch, just to renew his energy of angry outbursts against the motionless perpetrator to their dilemma. There were only two real choices to make now. Either way it seemed like it was going to be a long walk down the hills to get help, or the road up the hills, leaving the car just where she sat while trying to salvage the night and go for the bonfire.

There is so much in life that we can change, but then, there are some things we can’t change. A person can become a skunk in your life’s path for 1 of 3 reasons. 1) They want to be you. 2) They hate themselves. 3) They see you as a threat.

Isn’t life a lot like that? I mean everyday life, where even small decisions have to be made despite uncertain outcomes or unquantifiable risks to each possibility in choosing. We all have friends and we all should have heard those famous words by now “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” And therein lays the rub, finding quality people who are also willing to be perfectly honest with you no matter if you want them to be in the first place. Those same people who are at one time friends can then also become out of jealousy, or laziness, your detractors, critics, hecklers, or disbelieves, of your ideas or even of you personally. Just because the way you choose to live life. When all you’re doing is chasing your dreams. Sometimes people become paralyzed with fear, unable to move forward towards their dreams because of their friends–who turn out to be more like road kill skunks; raising a stink over the fact that you’re moving along towards your dreams and they’re not.

Misery Loves Company, so why not spread the wealth, is the philosophy of what seems to be behind those complaints and magnifications made by so-called friends when pointing out possible negatives along the way. Why do people do that? Why don’t they just jump in, be happy for you and your ambition and offer support instead of drawing attention any potential negatives.

Any worthwhile success is built on overcoming negative obstacles.

Don’t listen! Don’t follow them! Don’t let them blind you with uncomfortable visions and strange uncomfortable bouquets of negative possibilities.

It’s lonely at the top because so few people put their fears aside and push forward—living outside the state of fear. Instead they’re gladly accepting an average existence. While there are forces of compliance and conformity in this society, accepting their solicitation is all to accepting of lowering individual standards in becoming average! Average to a point of just being the same as everyone else; when in truth everyone seeks separation through individualism.


The shortest distance between point “A” and “B” is a straight line. Sometimes that means running the risks of running over that skunk in the road again / or leaving a friend behind that is holding you back from your dreams. While we all should be embracing those friends who will share the art of chasing dreams, while offering help in those times perfumed with skunk odor. Life isn’t about the successes we have or share. It’s about the good memories we create with quality people along the way as we travel in similar directions towards individual dreams, sharing those common goals of searching for success through adventure. Without great efforts made, we can never evaluate what is the true value of anything worthwhile. Sometimes the chase is what defines success, and its worth, not just capturing it.

Bob and Dan story is just that, a life’s story they will shared forever. A happening that strengthened their relationship into a life time friendship, and sometimes finding one of those kinds of people “A life time friendship” is worth all the success you could ever find in the world.

Keep your eyes on those dreams and those destinations not those obstacles along the way. Hold your nose, and drive straight through all of your oppositions.

Weekend marriage licenses: Shenanigans

Do we as a modern society need to regulate sex? We are not talking about prostitution here. All though, when government gets involved to a point to suggest a type of contract between partners who are about to have sex…then all that is missing is a price, and a list of expected responsibilities of each partner to cover every eventualities in the act.

California legislators are proposing new regulations, in regulating casual sex.

While the bill appears to be motivated by noble intentions; we can’t regulate all of society by good intentions alone, without also taking into account results, and unintended consequences with said regulations.

From Breitbart News:

SB 967, amended last week by state Sen. Kevin de Leon (D-Los Angeles), would mandate that college students obtain “an affirmative, unambiguous, and conscious decision by each participant to engage in mutually agreed-upon sexual activity.”

Can we for the sake of simpler terms and greater understanding just call it—A weekend marriage license?

the slippery slope of such regulations are that such bills of this type could open the door to the prosecution of a partner for rape, if the other partner regrets having sex with them the next day, even though they had no problem with it before or during the act. It’s an attempt to control the upswing of college rape claims. But because there is also a problem with underage partying and drinking, activities that could also lead to lowered inhabitation, or even taking advantage of people under the influence / unwanted sexual encounter / rape, why wouldn’t there be any needs of farther regulating the laws and activities already on the books pertaining to underage drinking and the supply of alcohol to people under the age?

Why you ask? Because alcohol makes people do stupid stuff!

Impaired people make mistakes, doing all sorts of stupid stuff; most of all impaired people aren’t in a position in making good judgments. Thus escalating, by astronomical odds the likelihood of a life changing event to take place in their lives.

I’m not in support of anyone taking advantage of another person sexually, under any circumstances. But most of all we shouldn’t also turn the table on true rape by painting with a broad brush, and making someone’s conscience regrets the new future rape case.

If we need to go down that road as a society of legislation and creating what simply would become a “Weekend Marriage License” type of contract between sexual partners. Does that also mean that we need new and expanded Monday morning divorce court to dissolve said contracts? Maybe for a fee / new tax collected? All in the name of public safety of course, and how is that all that different from legal prostitution.  Obtain the proper licensing, and all is good. Refuse to obtain said licensing, signed sealed and delivered by all parties, you become a sexual predator / rapist.

Look let’s not make too light of a serious subject, let’s not exaggerate to the level of being absurd. But let’s not allow the government to regulate our lived to that level of absurdity either.

It just seems to me that if kids in college; many of whom had never had to live on their own before as adults, are then also expected to write their own house rules, to deal with the pressures and demands of higher learning, and recreational use of drugs, alcohol or even casual sex; if society feels the need of playing the part of parent to protect them from all of that? Then we need to regulate every aspect of the college student’s life and recreation in the same name of safety, right? At what point do we let our children grow-up, and allowed to develop into outstanding adults, to develop the attitudes of being able to be independent people, instead of embracing the helplessness existence of victimhood?

A society without boundaries has no value. But a society with too many boundaries, or regulations, suffers paralyzes, and stagnates.

There is no real surprise then that all good judgments will come from experiences. And all of that comes from individual bad judgments. Government can’t regulate people from entertaining thoughts, good or bad, or acting on them. Creating a so-called weekend marriage licenses doesn’t remove risks, but promotes distrust between the genders, and relationships in people’s lives.

I’m just not sure that its governments job in becoming society’s regulatory condom, protecting it from that unwanted transmitted disease which is government regulation between the sheets.

California Liberals Pass Bill to Regulate Sex and Show America the Control Freaks They Really Are http://www.ijreview.com/2014/06/144860-california-bill-criminalizes-dating/

The YMCA cry-babies of tomorrow.

Creating the YMCA cry-babies of tomorrow.

While tomorrow never comes, it seems some have yet to learn–that you can please some of the people some of the time, but it is impossible to please all of the people all of the time. Defending against, or trying to eliminate, having to at least once in your life-time, being offended by something or someone, is the ultimate exercise in educated insanity.

As more and more accusations of racism are disproportionately placed onto society’s different activities, it leads to question, what are we really teaching the next generation? It seems it is more favorable to give an education equal to a social lobotomy, then to give a common sense approach in providing a well-rounded education. Is it the job of the educational system and the employees of that system—the teachers, to teach social paralysis by supporting “Political correctness”, and there by the inability to use common sense to solve problems; choosing rather to shying away from difficult situations, over being impactful and positive in their resolution?

A North Dakota elementary school will not be having a talent show this year. Apparently having kids dress up and perform as the pop-rock band the “Village People” once did, is now crossing the racist lines drawn in the quagmire imaginations of the social bullies of political correctness.

A pop-band reproduction of the classic Village People song “YMCA”, while dressing up as the original band—an “American Indian, a Policeman, a Cowboy, a Biker, and a Construction Worker; while the flamboyant band might be seen as offensive to some viewers’ senses, exposing six-year-old children to accusations of racism might strike many parents in the district and across the nation as an inappropriate response or reason to the talent show cancellation.

In typical fashion the school losses out on a teachable moment, whereby they could act as educators of both young and old alike. Instead they run for cover, paralyzed in fear from the prevailing sentiment of the highly sensitive political correct bullies.

The iconic band that tried to represent a large swath of a typical American citizen by dressing in costume as an American Indian, a Policeman, a Cowboy, a Biker, and a Construction Worker; is now off-limits for young kids hoping to have a little fun by performing in costume alike. Because it’s been determined to be “Racist” to don garb associated with the American Indian—representing one-fifth of the Village People.

Nearly 20 years ago, leftist icon Hillary Clinton wrote a book expanding on the proverb that it “Takes a village to raise a child.”

Apparently the band—“the Village People” have no place in the process of even a half-hearted attempt at education by celebrating (even in costume) a large segment of working America society.

How are we to teach kids to be more inclusive of our differences as people, if we exclude those same differences from view?

How are we to teach kids anything if they are being taught to be hypersensitive, to run and hide, to give-up and quit, due to the complaints of the thin-skinned and easily offended?

We truly are raising a generation of easily offended “Cry-Babies”, ultimately they will demand a participation trophy for running away and tuning out, instead of solving something for society’s benefit or making a positive improvement for those yet to come.

Banning “BOSSY”

Sheryl Sandberg doesn’t like a word a lot of people and parents use to describe little girls.

In an editorial for The Wall Street Journal, she called it “the other B-word.” In junior high, Sandberg recounts, a teacher stopped her best friend and told her: “Nobody likes a bossy girl. You should find a new friend who will be a better influence on you.”

She says as a kid, she didn’t really play with other kids, instead the current Chief Operating Officer of Facebook used to organize their play. Admittedly she said she didn’t play well with others, she liked to tell them just how they should play…excuse me, she liked to organize the other kids play and some how that wasn’t being bossy in her eyes?

I’m sorry, you are what you are when you act bossy–unattractive.

Last I checked nobody likes anyone else to tell them what to do, when to do it, or how? None of these kinds of interactions or demonstrations possesses any kind of leadership qualities. Rather these qualities are full displays of someone being overbearing, or even bitchy, but most definitely “Bossy”! Doesn’t the term “Bossy” apply equally to females and males alike whoever acts like this?

Leaders must possess the uncanny ability to persuade and to direct people while positively encouraging them, having the art of negotiating with people doesn’t hurt; inspiring people in an organization positively to do their best as a team player is every bosses job if they presume to be a leader as well as the boss? Bossy people never accept the concept of being a team player, they see people as minions doing what they are told and liking it. Surely these two comparisons are as separated and as wide as the Grand Cannons, yet Sheryl Sandberg looks at the issue as an organized attack on keeping girls down.

Remembering when John Kerry, while addressing a group of students in Berlin, the Secretary of State said, “In America, “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be.” I’m thinking he was speaking directly to some unmentioned people who would use the tactics of being “Bossy” while also trying to ban the term.

Could we also include, In America you have the right to act stupidly while being stupid? After all it is only Democrats who believe in banning Free Speech … I wish a lot of people would think before they speak, I would never suggest that their right to express stupidity should be banned.

Terms such as “Bossy” or someone who is being overly pushy, or overbearing, are not just descriptive terms but are abhorrent actions. Acting like this is unbecoming. We need better parents involved in active parenting willing to teach appropriate types of interaction with others, not banning words that only restricts Free Speech for everyone. But let’s get real! Let us explain to our little girls that the sky is the limit if one acts appropriately, because there is an appropriate way to get people to follow the leader. None of which are ever accomplished using bossy or overly bitchy tactics of telling people what they’re going to do. But rather let’s teach them how to be more persuasive in asking people to join the team, and working together as a team, all of which are true leadership qualities they should learn if only we would teach them?

Banning words because you personally don’t like them or making an open attempt to twist words and their meanings is just a full-blown demonstration of what it is for someone to be “BOSSY”!

Sheryl Sandberg sorry to burst your bubble but you’re not in grade school any more—so there is no need to organize society verbal play ground to your liking. I wish a lot of people would just think before speaking, certainly I would never suggest that their right to express stupidly should be banned: I just wish there would be a little pain associated with the act of acting stupid—because banning words and attempting to change public perceptions of words is the epitome of being the ultimate stupid “BOSSY” person that nobody likes to play with.

Good judgment comes from bad judgment

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. James Joyce

Good judgment comes from experience. And all of that comes from bad judgment. It’s too bad that people aren’t willing to apply some self-judgment towards their actions, before acting?

Stop it! Listen to me right now! Get off of there; you’re going to get hurt! You’re being bad. If you don’t stop that right now you’re going to bed. Stop hitting and scratching your sister! The “Do this”, and the “Stop it”, or “Don’t…”, and an assortment of other “do’s and don’ts” statements made as bold idol threats, drowned out the calming music piped through the store. The kids stopped for a brief moment, and then the moment was gone. They didn’t believe in their parents idol threats, they just dismissed their commands, totally ignored. It seemed to wear negatively on everyone who was in ear shot of the public uproar. My mind could image what went on behind closed doors at home. Slamming doors, throwing toys, children and adults screaming at each other, followed by more fighting and misbehaving by everyone caught in the vortex of the moment.  I personally don’t expect parents to be perfect or even have all of the answers to any situations that come up while raising children. I just expect parents to exhibit adult wisdom in handling themselves as adults, (Not perfect people, maybe damaged people themselves as I believe everyone is somewhat) but not adding to the confusion and turmoil, or the disorder of the moment. There is wisdom in being aware of your surroundings in public and in the privacy of your own thoughts. So as you believe, so will you act?

At times I think the problem with the gene pool is there is no lifeguard on duty.

Children learn from examples of who and what they see—what is true about us, not from what we want them to believe about us.

Allowing the moment to calm a bit, I offered my two cents. ”I am convinced that the rules and boundaries my parents showed me gave not less but more freedom because I didn’t have to spend so much time testing them, testing how far I can go (as so many kids do today). Explaining boundaries and consequences when crossing them with consistency is the key”.

Perhaps shocked a bit or just embarrassed, the parent’s response caught me by surprise. They responded, “Don’t judge me!”

“I’m not judging….”

“Do not judge lest you be judged! Good day to you!” they said, as they moved along, giving that evil eye looking over their shoulder.

I was shocked, and dumbfounded! I don’t know what was more flabbergasting the calm response or the miss-quotation of scripture?

“Judge not lest ye be judged” is perhaps the most popular quote used by people who haven’t read or apply what they have learned from the Bible.

It’s easy to draw some lines between those who are religious and those who are not. But then we all have our difficulties, struggles, inner demons–even those who go to religious services.

This phrase usually appears in the heat of the moment, in an argument over any number of things. Someone points out, or gives some un wanted advice to a person’s who mismanaged misbehaving kids, or to someone who has a problem with alcohol use / drug use, or recreational activities that are dangerous, or even personal interactions with others as being unbecoming, or abrasive…. The person in question will say “Don’t judge me.” Even coworkers at work critiquing another’s ideas, causing a refrained defense in responses—don’t judge. This is just confusing.

Is disagreeing with people judgmental?

Is pointing out destructive behavior being too judgmental?

Have we as a society become uncomfortable with arguments, whether they’re being made  and express by people and their personal views as they see things in others (some good and some bad) opposed to our own self blinding view of perfection? Heaven forbid if our own inconsistencies or lack of reasonable responsibilities should surface by other people and their finger-pointing? In that moment we all may choose to grab the verbal grenade and tossing it into the mix in the hope of shaming, or silencing everyone, while also elevating our status to the Son of God level.

Quoting his words—makes us like Jesus, right?

If people become aware that their detractor is also a professed Christian, they usually throw into the mix for good measure, “The church and or Christians are so judgmental, bigoted, abrasive, and high and mighty with their morals, aren’t they? Their extra little shove, that boot that pushes people down while they try to walk on water.

In the immediate content of Matthew 7, Jesus is completing a scathing assessment of destructive religious practices of the day—only to have diabolical leaders and religious practitioners accuse Jesus of the same thing. Jesus accuses the religious leaders of hypocrisy in his famous Sermon on the Mount and then tells his followers to be careful not to accuse of the thing they’re guilty of. The fact is Jesus is calling people to make judgments and judgment calls about themselves before they judge others—to be self-aware before you intervene in other people’s lives. According to John 7 actions can be constructive and destructive, and we can’t always see or judge motive, nor should we.

Yet society today embraces the policies that “No judgments should be made at all regardless of motive. Live and let live”, is the motto.

If people weren’t able to make any judgments, we would cease to exist. We make judgment calls all the time. We use judgments about the appropriate clothes to wear to work, exposed tattoos in the work place, the cars we drive, how we are going to raise our kids, to the kinds of people we are dating or selecting as our significant others, people we are friending, foods we eat, diets, entertainments, what religious practices to embrace, or even whether or not to embrace none of the above. You’re probably judging me as you read my post?

If people would have read a bit farther just beyond those famous words of, “ judge not” they would find…”Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6) How would we know dogs and swine without judgments made?

It’s not the judgments being made that make us uncomfortable, causing us to react. It’s the blindfolded defense of our actions by any means possible to justify ourselves and to keep from having to look at our own motives, our actions, our weaknesses, or secret needs. We love the false lime light so long as what shows up in lights is our positively façade of our own choosing while secrets remain hidden. Yet we refuse to change, so we keep living a lie. So often we respond with don’t judge me as the means in building the walls higher in keeping our secrets hidden, hoping to blind people from truth, as we have chosen to blindfold ourselves to it. Even well-meaning advice or observations are looked as cracks that allow light into our privet lives and the sovereignty of our shadows. So we build bigger and better walls or so we think—adding more bricks of isolation.

Religion has no room for the thought that we must measure up to some level of performance or to some presumed acts, and so people that are religious shouldn’t present themselves as an exclusive club of being better than you, but being flawed all the same as anyone?

Instead of being tempted in pulling out the verbal grenades, keeping those views of ourselves the same but flawed, by wearing those rose-colored glasses of perfection, or placing ourselves above the level of others while offering criticism; we should look to avoid exposing ourselves as ignoramuses, and hypocrites quoting a book we haven’t read or presume to follow as if we wrote it.

Making better judgments in general, about advice received yet unsolicited, or observations made by others as wisdom gained will improve life for all– receiving judgment calls, may allow us to see problems by stepping back from them a bit, inspiring us in making improvements through better personal actions. If we weren’t allowed to make judgments, we would cease looking to make improvements, we would cease to exist.

What we need are more gracious ways to dialogue and disagree instead of the reaching for grenades and premature scorched earth invocations of “do not judge…”

But maybe that is the problem in society, refusing to judge one’s self in attaining some level in seeing the need to improve, (for no other reason than for a better you)? And that unfortunately requires making judgment first about ourselves. The basis of all religious belief systems is making a judgment of self for the need to improve ourselves. It’s when we act according to our own judgment of self, which is when everyone we come in contact with benefits. It’s poor behavior that commands of others “don’t judge me”!

Had the person in the store applied these principles, the shopping little shock of horrors may not have happened? Positive parenting might have inspired and given positive benefits to those children’s futures—priceless? The benefits also given to future society unquantifiable.

Making each day special knowing that you have fully lived it…fills that air with positive voice….

Discovering what it means to have fully lived life on any one day net alone a lifetime…requires making judgments.


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August 2020

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