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Bottled giggles

Some of the happenings in life are just going to happen to makes us laugh at it all! The rest isn’t much to worry about net alone remember!

All the best!

Quick one liners:

If your only tool is a hammer, let someone else swat at the fly’s!

I consider myself a pretty good judge of people. That’s why I don’t like most of them!

What doesn’t kill me… makes me seek revenge!

Deja Moo: the feeling that you have heard this bull before!

Castrate (v.)- Tp rate all of the actors in a move?

God made us sister and brothers. Prozac made us friends!

I decided against a career in politics cause I could never cheat on my wife!

The meek shall inherit the earth… if it is okay with the rest of you.-Don Ainey

Spend the afternoon, you can not take it with you! Annie Dillard

The hardest years of life are those between 10 and 70! – Helen Hayes

Advice for pilots… When in doubt, hold your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky!

I was fired from my job at the psychic hotline… unfortunately I didn’t see it coming!

I think the discovery channel should be on a different channel every day! – Craig Sharf

If time travel were possible, I’m sure that future self would have shown up by now to slap some sense into me by now!

The easiest way to find something that you have lost is to buy a new one!

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart! – Caryn Leschen

Half of the people who you know are below average. Steven Wright

My wife should have been a lawyer… She objects to everything!

He who hesitates is last! – Mae West

I’m just like fine wine… Aged and full-bodied!

I will never again fall into love with an arsonist. I’ve been burned to many times before!

Learn from the mistakes of others, you won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself!

I often wonder if those dogs playing poker have paintings of people playing fetch!

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in a hospitals dying of nothing!

Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

Stupidity is not a crime… you are free to go!

Customer: May I try on that dress in the window? Clerk: No, ma’am. You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4’s?

Thanks to a tweeter @aThumper for the humor and one liners.

 

Joke:

Two drunks visit a brothel. The madam takes one look at them and says to her manager “go and put inflatable dolls in 2 bedrooms, these guys are too drunk to notice”.

During the walk home one drunk said to the other “I think my girl was dead, she never moved or made a sound”.

The second guy says ” Ya I think mine was a wich!”

“Why do you say that!” exclaimed the first guy.

“Well, I bit her on her ass, she fart’ed in my face and then flew around and out the frigin window!”

Thanks Rennie For the giggles!!

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