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humor, my life, Uncategorized, writing

Moles! Moles, gotta love the mole.

When it comes to interesting and yet different creatures of the underground variety’s the mole seem to take the cake. Looking around all of the beautiful yards in the neighborhood, golf-corse manicured lawns. There seems to always be just that one. In comparison to all the other yards, there is always that one that has an over abundance of moles in it. Not that the moles of the world don’t deserve to live out their lives of digging in peace. Being an underground bulldozer, I would just prefer if they did their excavating at the neighbors. Eating grubs, and worms, all the while aerating the garden. Some would say, is just a vital job of nature in helping the gardeners work. Still to the gardeners experience of gardening the mole is t

he bane of their existence. As food supply’s dry-up the army of moles just dig their way out of one yard and into the next-doors yard. Suddenly it seem like a ” B ” rated hollywood movie ” invasions of killer moles! ” Somehow the mindset is never ” Moles! Moles, gotta love the mole! ” When they arrive for a stay in your little slice of heaven. It is more like “Apocalypse now! “

The mole is designed to dig,, and dig they will. Searching for food the mole digs a tunnel about 4 to 6 inches under the surface of the ground. Finding grubs and worms and things for their dinner. You would never know they had arrived in your yard if it weren’t for those mounds of dirt! Those mounds of dirt that are more like mount Everest’s rising up from the creations of the earth within. Dirt on the surface of the lawn isn’t from the shadow tunnels but the deep run-ways from these tunnels the mole roams the subterranean under world. Of which he is king. With a swimming motion the mole digs forward moving the dirt to the sides somewhat. With a wiggling motion the mole packs the dirt towards the sides and then kicking with their hind feet, the dirt is pushed behind them filling the previous dug tunnel. The mole may seem trapped, with nowhere to go. But moles have deeper tunnels and it is these tunnels that also have vertical shafts leading to the surface. This is the were and the why mount Everest’s of dirt begin to rise up in new earthly creations in your perfect manicured lawn. These deep tunnels are the runways for moles to move to and fro at will. Side walks, paved over roads, under ground utility’s doesn’t seem to stop these underground vermin from entering your yard. If you have an over abundance of worms and grubs in your yard, it is as if the welcome home mat has been placed out for a long-lost gardening friend.

Being the gypsies of the animal world. Moles aren’t the type you would write home about, as far as visitors go. Yet people looking to kill these subterranean bulldozers find out real quick. That is easier said then done! Besides there is alway the one in a crowd that says. ” Let nature run its course.  Aerate the yard and their droppings as free fertilizer is a force for good, along with grub control at that! They are also natures little helpers. Helping you not to over water your yard, improving the drainage by their digging. Those mounds of dirt, you call mount Everett’s! By letting the grass grow a little taller to hide the mole mounds, this actions would also conserve water while hiding the obvious.” Greenes! People who couldn’t kill a mosquito, that would be all to willing to infect them with a deadly diseases. Is this the path way to peace, a mutual existence for you both the way to go? These people who never picked up a shovel in there lives, try to make it sound so much like a win, win! But then it is my yard these vermin are in! Untill the first mole mound are found in their yards. Then the look of honor on their faces is more like let’s go nuclear!


People with the golf course style of yards, with the perfect maintained everything. Know that the property value is also at its highest in the neighborhood maintained so with perfection. So there’s not any surprises for the attitude of ” live and let live with nature? ” Because they aren’t doing the work themself’s. They have yard maintenance people. But if they would have a mole move in? They would also get all Tony Sopranos like. Calling the first hitman in the book to take care of it.

If you ever watched the movie catty shack. You would know that golfers and moles were kissing cousins. Prehaps a few of the golfers were too? But in the movie, the golf corse maintenance guy had to use what ever means to eradicate the vermin. All through the movie the weapons of war, all different types were used. Yet the golfers just kept right on digging. Creating a moon scape out of a golf-corse.

The hardware store is full of different ways of killing these menaces. Even a few old timers who have the time-tested way of doing the job. Putting gum down the moles hole is just one of these that doesn’t work. Gasing the mole with fancy gas pellets. Seems too much like a thing Hitler would have liked to do. Traps that look like prehistoric monsters to crush the mole in his hole. Is a waste of time. It only requires you to join-in on the digging to place the trap. The mole on the other hand just digs right past the steel monster and may even push up one of those mole mounds right next to it. It is too much like getting a mole middle finger.

Hiring a mole hit man, to take care of the problem. Is like inviting Tony Soprano and his cousin Dexter off of HBO over to the house. These people look like they like the job a bit too much. If they can’t catch the moles, then prehaps you have a stray cat, dog, raccoon, opossum? Spooky! With a mob element to it. Besides who wants the neighborhood to have the mole hitman truck cursing it? With the advertisement ” Moles have nowhere to hide! We kill’em dead! ” Not the thing you want to see if you’re in the witness protection program. But then anyone who advertises themself’s as the ” Mole terminator ” may be on to something, and a great cover for a mob hitman looking for a different kind of mole?

After world war 3 with the moles. The hot summer gave way to a more quiet fall. The garden started to recover from all the extra digging in trying to get the moles. Which turned out to be one mole according to the Mole terminator. Who would have imagined that one mole could have done all of those mole mounds. People were asking if I was going to re-seed my grass because all of the top soil in my yard. Little did I know that moles are just Gods way of turning your world upside down. Prehaps just like shaking a snow globe. He is just testing you with those moles.

As far as those people who always seem to rub it into the noses of their neighbors with the perfect manicured yard. I have found the perfect solution to quieting down the bragging. Just my way of using the God-given brains, at helping God shaking up their corner of the snow globe. I take shovels worth of top soil over to their yard late at night. Placing them strategically as if they have a mole problem. Yes I know! God has a sence-of-humor too! That’s why he is probably laughing with me. Because over the last two summers that I’ve been doing this. I haven’t had a mole problem. Now that’s a win, win solution I can live with. Unless you have a better idea or you know some other old-timer ideas?

All the best.

NOTE: There were no moles harmed in creating this events, or in these stories. Yet if there is a guy standing in the corner of the hardware store telling you this story, drest like an old-timer, talking with a New York accent. Then just shake his hand, along with a.. ” Glad to meet you ” will just do nicely. Unless your tony two fingers? I’m sure it will be good to meet you as well, real soon! In case your neighbor standing guard with a loaded shotgun, loaded with rock-salt, use the shovel of dirt thing at your own risk. Enjoy the humor in life, because God does! Even if he is laughing at you or with you! Last but not least. With moles you can’t use the old adage. ” If you can’t beat them join them!” This doesn’t work! Moles can out dig you any day of the week. Just saying! Unless you’re built like a mole or going to be using a backhoe? But then, you would be a little more than pissed-off gardener….? Moles, Moles, gotta love the mole!


About mindwarpfx

the truth has no agenda! a mind is a terrible thing to waste! not to pass on a smile that you receive from someone else is a missed opportunity and a lost moment to make a difrence in someone's life! To have choices made for you is to be held captive, to choose, is the first steps in freedom, to except responsibility is to fly and be free to experience life!


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