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humor, writing

I see Vampires

 Vampires are ment to be scary, to most people who have seen them in movies, or have read a book about them. But no body really believes that they exist. If they did? You could find some vampire killer shops, who carry items for sale to defend yourself. The traditional vampire weaponry to combat them. Like necklaces of garlic? Oopie! That was sold to me last year at the farmers market. Scratch that off the list. Wooden stakes, sun lamps? Oh and that bad ass Van Hellsenk cross-bow and a bottle of holy water. Just to weaponized the arrows real good. Does anyone know of any good sales on that stuff? If so where? Home depot for the first two on the list I suppose? But a cross-bow / holy water?

If you still feel uneasy about the purposes of fighting vampires, you could just hang out at the local church. Not all that bad of an idea, except how to hide the cross-bow? I will just figure that out later.

Some thing about the fear, that vampires have on the human mind. Creepy! Being hypnotized by those cold, dark black eyes, as they’re pricing through, your darkest parts of your soul. Reading every un-pure thoughts in the recesses of your mind? Yes! Those privet ones! The dark eyes looking into you’re eyes, and your just powerless, looking back into the black of night. Maybe that’s why I don’t really like those hypnotist shows for entertainment. Great cover I tell you! Besides they alway’s make people bark like a dog, walk like a chicken, or they make you think that a kid behind you, is kicking your chair. When there isn’t any body behind you at all. Net alone any kids even sitting there. ( Note to self; Don’t trust people with dark eyes!!)  He then makes you just say the first thing that comes to your mind in response to that kicking kid when you hear your name being called out. Through out the rest of the show he says your name, you then yell out something rude,! But it was the first thing! It is because that stupid kid who’s kicking! I tell you!

” Stop it ! Just will you Fu$*-n  stop it ? Will you? ” Your yelling but don’t know why.

Everyone is sitting there is laughing at you. But you don’t see the funny. Of course everyone is saying ” “Thank God It isn’t us, up there on stage.”

I know, laugh it up! But this stuff really happens to good people. Take it from me! But really, what if you have a biblical type of name and you’re sitting there in church services? Now, did he take that spell off me? Or is there about to be an unusual out burst, that can’t be explained by the power of the holy spirit?

Okay maybe the old word, for a vampire was the devil? It explains some things. But is the new word in describing the modern vampire hypnotist? Next time I’m going to just splash some holy water on the dude. Just to make a point!

“I’m on to you sucker! Now give me back my thoughts!” A big smile on my face and my index finger jabbing into his chest! ” How do you like me NOW? HA! ”

Of course if he is just a regular guy with some strange talents, the joke will still be on me. But if he uses my name…or someone else does…. Then everyone starts to laugh? And I thinking just what?  Who? And where did I pull out those choice words out from? Rubbing my own butt, my excuse is…. “There is / was, this kid kicking my chair.., and It’s getting old.

But what if there was a sinister plot to take over the world, by the crossing breeding of, vampires of old and some plant life? This would be the greatest of darkened solar-powered evil, ever created! No! Not a ” B ” rated movie from the minds of hollywood.

Remember that you have heard it here first! Fearless Vampires! Who like sun-bathing. Made in China of course. Like a Chinese bio chemists, who’s invention just ran a muck. All mad scientist style!

This new vampire of sorts would look into the sun and laugh as if to say… ” Is that all you GOT?”

Crap all of my provisions and supply, not to say the weaponry, was it all for not?

Before you stop reading, please read just a bit farther. It is true! We are now under the truly strange attack of the plant, that goes by the name of ” Dodder “. The plant vampire!

This plant seems to not be able to perform the job of photosynthesis on its own. Converting light into energy that it could then use. Just doesn’t happen for this one! So the plant will just die, your thinking? Wrong! This plant grows towards other plants, for the purposes of attaching its sucker into the host plant, and sucks it victim dry! Vampirism! This plant also isn’t green. Its golden, to reddish gold in color. Even being able to use chemicals in the air, to decide without a brain, which plant is better to suck dry. It picks and chooses its victims. Seek and destroy! Creepy!

We would be better off to have vamp’s of old? At least these old vamp’s that fly at night, would just kill a few people now and again. At least we would have a fighting chance as well. But with vampire plants that picks and chooses its victims at will? Playing in the park would become challenging at best. Is that why they have signs that say ” Stay off the golden-brown grass! ” Where is the rest of the signs? That part that said ” Warning! Vampire grass! ”

Out there in the country some where. There are screams of vegetables as this silent death sucks the last juices out of our food! Food shortages, are certain to soon follow. Growing your own veggy’s? Would be a loosing proposition. With plant life dying off, carnivores would be first to show signs of stress. Or at least it would be a real battle royal. Carnivores against carnivore, fighting over the last of the plant eaters. The last plant eaters trying to eat anything that was still green while staying off the grass! Having to eat and run looking over their shoulders all the while.

Crap! We’re all just going down! life as we have enjoyed it so far. Global warming, or the hot air out of Al Gore! Muslim extremists as terrorists, blowing up everything calling out “INFIDEL!” Earthquakes, tsunami’s, volcanos blowing up, tornado, hurricanes. Weather from hell… what is next? 2012 and those damn Mayans? If they would have just been using paper / papyrus to write their calendar on. We could just explain the end of their calendar on running out of ink. But No! These bastards use rock, to chisel the calendar onto. Have you seen the rocks all over the world? So maybe they are right! They could have kept on writing the calendar out farther in time. They still had plenty of rock to write on! “Look we still have un-used rock over here…” some stone worker yells out.

” Put the chisel down! Your screwing up my greatest time release joke on future! Put it down! STOP WORKING!” The high priest’s yelling out commands.

Out of control science will be our end I tell you! It is our own worsted enemy. Crossing plants to a point of becoming our worst nightmare in reality. All for producing more, and more food in the world! Damn you Dodder plant!

2012 may sill come and go with those maya being wrong! But the weather will still do what weather does. So duck and cover, when new storms come over head. I learned that one from the airlines safety instructions while flying somewhere. Good advice, good advice friend! Just a nicer way of saying “you’re going to be kissing your ass good-by!” If you hear and see the tornado, assume the position. Global warming will more likely be a reality in the next stage of life after your gone. Not do to Al Gore being right! Or the governments war on fossil fuels finely ending. But those darn new age hybrid plant-crosses! ” Plant Vampires.” Just when all of plant life disappears, temperature is bound to climb higher, and higher. hopefully it is a plant eater that discovers a way to eat their enemy and defeats this evil. Before we only have recordings of horror to listen to, on our solar-powered radios, of the last carrots having the life sucked out of it!

Pictures of Dodder as well as the plants are more like mug shots, so you know what evil we are up against.

Stay safe friends… all the best ! I HOPE…….?

About mindwarpfx

the truth has no agenda! a mind is a terrible thing to waste! not to pass on a smile that you receive from someone else is a missed opportunity and a lost moment to make a difrence in someone's life! To have choices made for you is to be held captive, to choose, is the first steps in freedom, to except responsibility is to fly and be free to experience life!


2 thoughts on “I see Vampires

  1. Never heard of Dodder. But it sounds disturbing in a vampiric sort of way.

    Posted by atoasttodragons | April 11, 2012, 8:10 am
    • Intresting indeed. Oh! Hi. Wellcome to the blog thanks for looking around. Have many intrests and offten blog about them. Most of all smiles are free and I try to pass them out laughing at life, or myself. Cheers to you. Hope to see you back sometime. All the best.
      Ps. Dodder plants are creepy because they are truly vampinic, attacking other plants, also an intrestinf thing to look up on the web. CYA later.

      Posted by mindwarpfx | April 11, 2012, 6:33 pm

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April 2012

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