With unemploymentt at too high of a range, oil prices too high, and gas going to the unexpected $5.00 per gallon. We the people, need the answers to these problems that say “genius!” Okay! Maybe that’s just a bit over the top. But solving problems and making life better all in the same time isn’t too much to ask? I say a car in every driveway, a chicken in every pot, and affordable green energy for the nation. Just to kick the nations in the oil-producing world in the nuts real hard! Enter into the mix the need for the beer Czar!
First I must say, being under employed these days I’m offering my services to the government for the future job of being the beer czar. Why do we need a beer czar, you ask? Well we have plenty of czars who do… Well it slips my mind as to the exact excused that the government uses as why we have czars in the first place. Maybe it sounds socialistic, and the government kids, like the sound when they say czar? But who really knows? I’m only interested in the position because it pays on average $120,000.00 per year for all of the other czars out there. So why should the beer czar work for less? Besides that’s better pay with benefits then any job in the non-government sector. When we have a Nintendo czar / video game czar, in the government already. Don’t we need to round out the entertainment / czar’s positions in government?
I guess when president Obama said “we can not afford to fall behind the Europeans and the Chinese with green energy research.” It struck me! Well it may have been that bio-diesel truck in front of me. The exhaust smelled like french fries, instead of the usual sick diesel smell. Going past the brewery at the same time gave me the subliminal message to get some beer-batter fried fish and chips. Imagine that! Toxic gases could inspire me to get some fattening foods, net alone give me the idea of the beer czar. Or is that why we refer to those gases as “Toxic?”
Look Germany is Europe’s main source of green energy used in their electrical grid. But at what cost to their economy? In fact, recently they said they will no longer support their green energy through solar electricity. It was not worth the cost, they said. So for America to take the number 2 spot on green energy is somewhat easier. But what about using beer as the source of future energy? It is green! It has a solar component to it as well. After all the barley and hops are grown in the sun. We may be behind Germany with the beer purity laws, but give us time. We need a beer czar first.
Re-engineering the internal-combustion engine is the first step. The cost of doing this should be easy. But finding the money to do this should be easier still. finding extra money for this among the wasteful spending dollars not yet spent in government. No one is looking, so with beer no one cares. Instead of spending good cold cash on some muslim country that will only find some reasons not to sell oil to us, and or curb oil production to raise prices, or just finding some new reasons to hate. You know some crazy outrageous accusations calling us all “the infidels!” You know who they are… wink, wink. I don’t see a need to spend money on putting our balls into a vice and then letting some other country who hates us put the pressure to us. Ya! We may be tough.. but that is needless pain to endure. Why pay for the self-abuse in the form of buying oil, from people who call us Infidels? No matter if it is individually or as a country. The beer czar would reduce foreign oil consumption, thus reliving the pressure on our country’s balls and economy alike.
With grain alcohol mainly made with corn. We are only cutting into the food supply. Cows = beef, chicken = take out food, and pig = pork bacon, they all eat corn. But if we are going to make alcohol from our grain it will rise the price of meat. So I say let the whole world hear the roar of our muscle cars engine, let the alcohol be the life blood of transportation, and with beer there is no such problems. Who eats barley? I mean barley as some food stuff on your diner plate. Not in this country anyway. We as the Germans, make beer from it. After all meat is meat and man has to eat. So lets put beer into our cars tanks, and let the beer wash down our meat that we eat. A win, win in anyones book.
As the beer czar I would have to regulate it. Some would be for fuel and some just for enjoyment. Beer fuel would be safer to use then gasoline. When there is a car crash and a leak from the fuel tank, one spark and poof. But with beer being the fuel of the future, people would just run for empty containers to hold the spilling beer. More like a keg’er on the highway. What about slipping on some icy roadway, ending up down the hill aways? Stuck with no real rescue and with nothing to eat but salty crackers. What to do? Tap the beer gas tank and wash down the salty crackers. Alcohol also keeps people from freezing in the cold you know. That’s why those High mountain dogs, the ones with those kegs of hard alcohol around their necks. Trained to find the strangers and give them something to keep from freezing to death. You know the ones? Of corse the alcohol would keep them from remembering that the dog would also try humping their legs while they sleeping off the alcohol. No such problem with beer in the gas tank.
The beer czar’s main job would have to be, tasting the different blends of course. With brewery showing up in Boston and Colorado, and all up and down the west coast. Building a brewery is much easer then a refinery for gas. Quicker as well. No need for the EPA to over regulate the brewery’s of the future. Hell The unemployed with a few classes could produce their own fuel on the kitchen stove in their own homes. Giving them the transportation fuel to get to work. At a lower cost then gas. If you don’t have a job to go to, you could drink the extra beer… not while driving of course. Just looking out for the poor among us. Now I’m sounding more like the president. So I’m right for the Job!
With all the crazy stories coming out of washington DC these days. Going green for our energy needs. You know! Solar power or future fuel from green slime algae. Would you rather put that soon to be $10.00 per gallon gas into your gas tank, or that green slime biodiesel? Who really knows how expensive that’s going to be? What does that green slime biodiesel smell like anyway’s? I would rather smell toxic gases coming from the truck in front of me that smells like beer batter fish and chips. So filler up with Coors. Not the light stuff! Regular… for this hot rod! I could use the extra octane in my tank. Besides I like the sound of kicking those oil-producing country’s in the nuts real hard, with the roar of my engine. Beer in my tank and the sound that their cracking nuts make! Now that’s true green energy!
Help a guy out and let your public official know, “We need a beer czar!” Might as well be me!
Thanks for your support! All the best.