Ever experienced being in an awkward situation socially before? Did you have your social filter on? I know your asking. Just what is that? But we do not always use them. Social filters that is! You may have refered to these moments as putting your foot into your mouth, These embarrassing moments made worse just because toe jam tastes good to you? The lack of not knowing better, isn’t an excuse at all. It is more a lack of exercising your social filter skills, allowing your social skills to get couch potato like soft. The true skill of social filters, knowing how to ovoid toe jam on your way towards psychological desert.
A friend of mine said one day, “I hate kids you know….?”
Looking around, I noticed we were at the park watching the kids play. “So just what are you trying to say?” I asked.
“You know! They wine, cry a lot, seems like they always need something just when my team is about to score in the game. In short a pain in the butt!”
He should have had a social filter, turned one on or placed one in use at least. Was he trying to say my kids are a pain in the butt? Or was the term ( kids ) to broad, and encompassing? Just when I was about to ask he went on.
” Not all of the kids, are that way, just other people’s are. You Know?”
Well I guess the cat is out of the bag at this point, is just what’s going through my mind. So I respond. ” Yes! Your on to something there. They tend to grow-up to become big pains in the butts! But monkey see as monkey do! You know just what I’m saying?”
Wanted to scream at him just stop man! But he just keep right on, and on, for the next 2 or 3 minuets. Just long enough for me to say ” Oh! look at the time! Got to go!” Calling my pains in the butts, and getting out of there. Was the easy part.
Having to drive across town to a different park. Because the endless wining. ” You said we are going to play at the park! Why do we have to go?” You know like that, and some such response by the kids in shock. Leaving just when the fun began.
Some years later I got my just deserts on this friend of mine. Yes the one who loved those pains in the butts, other people’s kids at least. Surprized I’m sure, he didn’t know we all have a hidden kid within us waiting to be coaxed out to play. That one! We were over for dinner, and some games one night, just two families spending some times together. We were having a great time at the dinner table talking and eating. Rick, his son liked me for some reason. I must be a cool guy, or at least he thinks so. That’s all that matters anyway. On this night he was teasing me with putting mashed potatoes into his mouth and then showing me, by opening his mouth. Then tapping me on the shoulder getting me to look at him. He would be chewing and laughing at my funny faces I would make back at him. He was trying to gross me out, and I was trying to get him to spew potatoes every were.
Mom and Dad were being polite and letting Rick get away with more than he usually would. But then it happened. The explosion! It was so sweet! Not much grosses me out. But this did. potatoes were coming out of his mouth and nose equally. Not to mention they flew out of his mouth towards mom, and dad before he could get his hand up to his mouth to cover up. But in any war the first shot isn’t the last one, after all it wouldn’t be the first shot then. Just saying its an observation.
Mom exploded on Rick. ” That’s uncalled for! You run to the bathroom and clean up right now mister!” She was discussed, upset and embarrassed, all at the same time. She was struggling to hold the steam in, and all because we were there I’m sure.
“Let me go and help him out. After all I was teasing him!”
“We don’t chew are food like that at the table!” She added as we headed down the hall towards the bathroom. Scolding both of us, yet trying to make it seem like she was only scolding Rick.
Rick was a mess! And about to cry. He was thinking he was in big trouble. So I let him just think like that for a bit. But then came to the rescue, I told him to use this great excuse.
“You know Rick just tell your mom that I was trying to teach you how to properly masticate your food and it got out of control. It was too funny! It’s an accident mom! just say it like that and you’ll be good.”
He sadly shook his head, and said. “How was that mastur..”
“No! not mastur… Its masticate.” Saying it slowly so he can hear the proper sounding out of each letters. “You know it means chewing, or chewing funny.” I added.
“Oh! Got you! Masticate. He repeated it slowly. That’s easy for me to remember.” His spirit picked right up. He was ready to take on the world now. Little did he know that takeing on the world ment… mom! We finished up wiping his face off, then we braced ourself for the rath of his mom. I was remembering the time with his dad at the park, with all the other people’s pain in the butt kids. You know they grow-up to become big pains, or in short like me. But I wasn’t about to tell Rick about that though. Maybe some day but not now!
Returning to the dining room all cleaned up, his mom was giving me the evil eye. Did she know about the park thing with her husband? Or did she just think here’s the influence from hell! She thought I’m sure. But didn’t wish to make a scene. We sat our self’s back down and remained quiet. Rick started to finish his dinner. As everyone relaxed and became more comfortable with the battle field being quiet from the war, Rick was starting to chew with a little too much noise for quiet time at the table, as well for his mom’s liking.
“Rick we don’t chew like that!”
“Don’t give me any…!” She was giving him the look that could turn him into stone. Now who was evil, or at least looking that way, at least from my point of view?
“Mom I wasn’t doing any thing but trying to masticate my food!” Rick offer his defence, somewhat different then what we discussed.
The look of Mom’s face was instantly angry. The steam pressure was building, the quiet before the storm, just before the nuclear explosion! War was defiantly back on! She was briefly looking at me from the corner of her eye, as if I Was lucifer. I’m sure that was just to give time for the fuse to burn down to the power charge and then fire works! Presto!
“Rick! What did I say?”
Rick offered up the same defence by repeating his earlier statements.
” Just what? No! No! mister. There is to be any masturbation at the dinner table! Not tonight!! ” She spun around to wards dad. ” Why don’t you do something? Don’t you see your son is trying to explain him self, by saying he was trying to masturbate! ”
” Honey! Settle it down. The boy said..”
” I know just what he said. I’m fully aware of it! He said! Wasn’t trying to do any thing but trying to masturbate my food!” She was so angry that she couldn’t see straight. ” Just do something!” She ordered! ” Who the hell taught him that anyway? ”
“Okay honey.” he placed his arms around her and took her out to the kitchen. ” Sweety. the boy said he was trying to masticate his food! Not masturbate with it!” He whispered loudly so we all could hear.
Oopsi!! Not everyone reads the dicanary.Just as I was saying we have to have some social filters on, and working ones at that! Or at least know our limitations. Toe jam doesn’t taste good! No need to put both feet into mouth and then try to run! But for the guy who doesn’t like other people’s kids. He should have asked just how old I like to act at times. Just a big kid I guess! Kids tend to grow up and become me! The kind of kid, who likes words that sound dirty, and then teaches them to other real kids! Not just the kids who try to act like adults. I suppose now, I will have to teach Rick what it is to have a social filter. He isn’t going to get that, from his parents. Better he learn it from me. Could you imagine Rick giving some report in school, then getting confused, like his mom did? Easy to do though, I’m sure!
Note to self…. Sharpen skills, at improving my good social skills, and social filters as well.
Revenge! Sweet revenge! Never tasted so sweet, the best desert ever. It was a long time coming, but worth it! Can you hear my evil laugh of success? Followed by the biggest grin!
Rick will never forget these words for the rest of his life.
Does that make me the greatest teacher ever? One lessen burned into permanent memory of the brain! How to do that with…. well those other things to learn in school aren’t as fun to learn. But is there a Social filters 101 in school?
All the best!